


Your Heart Is Beating

by orphan_account



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Jessica Jones (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Altered Mental States, Angst, Blood, F/M, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Mental Health Issues, Not Canon Compliant, Past Brainwashing, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, season one AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-30 11:35:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5162438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years of Jemma Simmons life are not talked about. Very few people at S.H.I.E.L.D. and only two people know the whole story, one of them being the man that she loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> So Jessica Jones is my current obsession, and she's not getting near enough love. And I wanted an excuse to do a Jess Jones/AOS crossover and here's my chance. This AN will be a bit longer as I've a few things I wanna say, I hope you don't mind:
> 
> +Anyone who knows anything about Alias knows how far the comic goes, I won't be going that far.
> 
> +Over winter 2013, I wrote two AOS fics on my laptop, one being were Blake destroyed S.H.I.E.L.D. (I never forgave him for FZZT) and Jasper good (basically switch them and I predicated CA:TWS, I came back to that fic after watching that film and was traumatised I had predicted S.H.I.E.L.D. being destroyed) and other stuff happened. It was wiped from my laptop and I'm not sure if I will post it. If anyone wants it, I will write it but I was like younger so it was awful.
> 
> +The second was something along the lines of this, I reworked Jessica Jones into it, and it's spiralling. 
> 
> +This is a Season One AU, so no HYDRA, no Inhumans. It's basically saying goodbye to all canon, something I'm nervous about. 
> 
> Please enjoy this fic. It might work, it might not work. Anything you don't like, I won't add, anything you do I will. Please, enjoy this.

Hacking into S.H.I.E.L.D. was part of Skye’s plan. Being kidnapped for S.H.I.E.L.D., not so much. Working for S.H.I.E.L.D. had never even crossed her mind. When she was first taken by the ‘big scary men in dark suits’ or so she called them, she thought that she would never get to see the light of day again. She was wrong, so very wrong. She was recruited. Somehow. The agent in charge, Coulson, had said that S.H.I.E.L.D. had been watching her, wanting to recruit her, and when she was finally able to hack the files that they had set up for her, that was all the proof that was needed. She would be prefect for them.

Skye, meanwhile, had been reluctant to agree. She didn’t want to work for the organisation who kept secrets from everyone, who knew the real reason behind New York, but refused to tell anyone. She was about to reject the offer when she saw her.

A woman, who looked her age, standing in the lab, her hand wrapped around a guy’s arm. She looked nervous, out of place. Skye recognised her face, it was hard not to. She was well known around New York.

Skye couldn’t believe that it was her. That she worked for S.H.I.E.L.D.

“Leave her,” came a voice over her shoulder. It was a woman, Asian, who set the two simple words with such authority that it made her feel ill.

“Why? She’s Jemma Simmons. Everyone knows her. She was the one…”

“Stop,” May continued, her gaze baring into Skye. “She’s been through so much.”

“But that’s the thing!” There was excitement in Skye’s voice and it made her feel ill. Why was she getting excited over this? “She vanished of the face of the Earth for two years and then reappeared, in a hospital in Brooklyn. It’s crazy!”

“Do you know where she was found before the hospital?”

Skye shook her head. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer but she was sure that May would tell her anyway. “In the alley, covered in blood. This is the first time she’s been working fully since that incident, three years ago. Leave her in peace.”

Skye nodded, swallowing hard, looking once more at Jemma Simmons, and the man whom she clung to like he was a life line. There was so much mystery surrounding this girl it was hard to know what was true and what wasn’t.

No one had known what had happened to her during those two years. Some say she fled New York; that the hustle and bustle of daily life had gotten too much for her. Some say that she was involved in an international drug business, and a deal had went wrong and she was in danger.

Some say she was in Hell.

Skye shook her head, turning away from the lab, wanting to find the bunk that was now hers.

***

Jemma held onto Fitz like he was a lifeline. She should never had agreed to this. Both Hill and Andrew had recommended this, saying that this would help her recovery, working in a different lab, surrounded by both familiar and unfamiliar surroundings.

But the choice had been ultimately hers, and she had said yes. She had said yes as it would allow opportunity for the world to be explored. Something that she had wanted to do, but not anymore. Something that Fitz had wanted to do, and still did. But he had put that on hold, to help her recovery the past three years. She had said yes so that he could live his dream.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “We can still back out of this.”

She shook her head. “I’m fine. It’s just a lot to take in in one go.”

He nodded. “Do you want to head back to the bunk?”

“Please.”

He nodded again, leading her out of the lab, and down to her bunk. The lights were all dimmed. Coulson’s orders.

“I’m sorry,” she said as he closed the bunk door behind him.

He made his way over to the bed where she was sitting, kneeling down in front of her. “No, Jems, don’t be ridiculous.”

“No but I am! I can’t even go in the lab. It’s been three years. I should be over it now. I wasn’t even there as long as she was and I can’t get over it. And she’s working again and I can barely go in the lab without crying!”

He wiped away a tear that made its way down her face.

“Jemma, do you want to talk to her tonight, tell her all what’s happened?”

Jemma nodded. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

They spent the next half an hour curled up on the bed, Jemma crying into his chest and Fitz murmuring soft reassurances into her hair.

***

Skye knew she had also recognised him. Jemma Simmons’ boyfriend. Leopold Fitz, who preferred to go by his surname.

He had been with her in the hospital, staying with her the whole time.

At least that’s what the article had said.

When she had first read the article, she had doubted it.

But seeing them now, she didn’t. He loved her, which much was evident by what she saw in the lab.

And there was someone else with them in the hospital, someone who had been gone five years.

Someone know Skye had never met, but she had been on the news often enough. She had her own successful business in New York, in Hell’s Kitchen.

Everyone knew who Jessica Jones was.


	2. Phone Calls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So people actually liked this idea???? So its continuing... Yay??? Hope you enjoy this chapter. And it will always be weird writing Jessica as a name due to that being my name. I never use my own name and I don't think I'll get over it. I know very little about Luke so if I've written him wrong, please say. Thanks for reading.  
> Mild references to past no eating.

"Hard day?" Luke asked as she downed the whiskey in one. 

"Don't even ask," she said, reclining back in the sofa.

"Was it her again?"

Jessica let out a groan. "Yes. She refuses to believe that he's cheating. Even though I've shown her the pictures. It's non-stop but..." she sighed, arms resting behind her head. "It pays."

He just shook his head, laughing, not knowing what to say when her phone went of. "Seriously, that song?"

Jessica shrugged, leaning over to answer the phone. "It's good."

"Nothing beats classic rock."

"True that." She looked at the caller ID. Jemma. She bit her lip, hoping the younger woman was okay. "Jemma."

Luke nodded, getting up and leaving. He only had a vague idea of what the two women had suffered, and he knew that Jessica liked her peace to talk to Jemma.

"Jess?" the voice on the other end asked. It was small, soft. 

"Jemma, you okay?"

"I suppose."

"Was it your first day today? Hill was saying something about it."

"Yeah but I couldn't cope in the lab." Her breaths were coming in short, shallow gasps, like she was crying. "Fitz had to take me back to the room."

"Jemma," Jessica said, her voice softening. She cared for the young Brit, more than anything. Like a younger sister. "I still struggle, you know that. Garner said we're still recovering. That is still may take months."

"But you're working! I can't even go in the lab without crying." Her voice was broken. "I can't do anything."

"Jemma, listen to me. You can do this." Jessica sat up straight. Even though Jemma couldn't see her, she wanted to be confident, hoping that if she was, Jemma would feel better. 

A sigh came from down the phone line. "I just don't want to... Fitz has done so much for me the past five years. He put his life on hold for me for five years. And I can't even do this for him."

Jessica went silent for a moment. "He loves you. He just wants what's best for you."

"Yeah, but he does everything for me. Puts himself out of the way and I can't do anything for him. I said yes for him, to let him experience his dream of travelling the world but I can't even do this for him."

"Jemma, please. You're still adjusting. I'm still adjusting. We'll get through this together. We have people who will help us get through this. Okay?"

Silence on the other end before Jemma agreed. Jessica smiled and nodded, knowing that the other woman wouldn't be able to see her. "Who's on the team with you."

"Coulson. Grant Ward. May."

"May's nice. Garner's ex?"

"Yeah."

"That's good. So just the five of you?"

"There's a fifth. I don't know her. Coulson and Ward brought her on board. She seems my age. Maybe younger. I've only had a quick look at her."

"Just take things at your pace and make sure you're comfortable, okay?"

"Thanks."

"It's fine. You know people are here for you."

"I mean it. You understand. Two seconds."

There was a muffled discussion on the end of the line, then Jemma returned. "Can I call back later. Fitz is here and I've not eaten yet?"

Those last four words caused Jessica to pause. Jemma hadn't eaten yet. At first, when they first had regained their freedom, she had to be persuaded to eat, encouraged and reminded. She was too lost in her horrors to remember something so simple and yet so vital. "That's fine. Just, you know I'm here. Talk soon?"

"Thanks Jess." The line went dead.

Jessica looked at the phone, at her background. A group selfie of her, Luke, Jemma and Fitz. At Fitz's apartment, a number of weeks ago for Jemma's birthday. It was a small affair, just the four of them but it was... It was nice. What Jemma had wanted and that's all that mattered.

Jessica sighed heavily and got up to get another drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ringtone being talked about is 'The Day is my Enemy' by The Prodigy because it was used in the ad. I've always imagined Jessica as kind of a rough, sarcastic person and doesn't care much for anyone but I wanted to show that her and Jemma have a sisterly relationship after what they've suffered and she's like a big sister to Jemma, kinda like Bobbi. Thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed. Marvel owns all.


	3. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for wait. Life has been crazy with school and exams and Christmas shopping. And this has meant that I have been unable to watch that much Jessica Jones, like I'm only on episode 6, so there will be no spoilers for a while. Thanks for the support. Like all these subscribers!! What?!?!

The lab used to be her place, her safe place. But it was no longer that. He had ruined that for her. She though back to what he had made her do, and shivered, her breath shuddering.

"Hydrogen. Helium. Lithium. Beryllium. Boron. Carbon. Nitrogen. Oxygen."

Those elements had become her safety. The words that she repeated whenever she was scared, whenever the world got too much for her. Jessica had taught her the idea, but she used the street that she had lived on as a child, and the blocks that had followed. But that hadn't helped Jemma, so she used the elements. Something she had known as a child, something that helped her as a child.

Science.

It had always been there for her. 

But now it wasn't.

Footsteps echoed behind her. 

She spun.

May. "Jemma?"

Jemma said nothing, remaining silent.

"What are you doing up?"

She shrugged, as if it were that simple. "Couldn't sleep."

May tilted her head slightly, taking in the young Brit. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Jemma looked at her for a moment. "I... I don't know." She knew she should be able to trust May. She worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. She was Garner's ex. She was part of their team.

But there was also that small silent voice that whispered to her that she couldn't be trusted. That she didn't know this woman. 

That she could be working for him without knowing.

That all her actions were being controlled.

After some time, Jemma nodded.

"I've not worked since... Since that day." She didn't need to elaborate, everyone knew what that day was, even if they didn't know the full extent. "I've tried so many times but I couldn't go in without thinking back to... Back..."

"Back to then? To him?" May offered.

Jemma swallowed. "He has... He ruined us. Ruined everything that I loved. That she loved. That we loved."

May moved a step closer, watching her body language. Jemma had put a lot of trust in her these last few moments, admitting what she had just said, admitting how she felt and what she though. And May didn't want to throw that all away, not now. 

Not by placing just one simple foot out of place.

But Jemma let her approach.

"He put us through so much hell." The sadness that resided in her eyes, that consumed them permanently now flashed to anger. Though it was brief, she let it consume her.

"He ruined everything!"

The rack of test tubes on the table didn't fare so well. They hadn't been used, and now they wouldn't.

"He ruined everything."

Her voice broke as she collapsed to the ground, tears escaping from her eyes and making their way down her face.

"He ruined everything."

May crouched down beside her, gently lifting the hand that had smashed the test tubes. Bleeding. "Jemma." Her voice was stern, like all the doctors, like all the nurses, like all those therapists. 

But there was something else in her voice, laced with the sternness.

There was softness. Something that all those doctors, all those nurses, all those therapists didn't have.

Jemma looked up, her brown eyes soft. She nodded slowly, understanding what May wanted to do.

"I'll be back in a minute, OK?"

Another nod from Jemma. 

May smiled, and then stood, walking over the the cabinet with the first aid kit, thankful that the lab was far from the bunks, that Fitz hadn't heard it. She knew that Fitz should know about this, would want to know about this but that was an issue for tomorrow.

Jemma was her main priority now.

May returned with the first aid kit. There wasn't much she could do. There was no glass in the wound, and the bleeding wasn't to heavy. The best that she could do for Jemma was clean the cut and dress it.

Jemma gave her an uneasy smile. 

May returned it. 

"How do you relax?" Jemma asked. 

"Flying. Just watching the sky. Night is the best, how you can see the stars above you, how you can fly through them."

Jemma raised an eyebrow, confused about how something that seemed so stressful could make someone feel so relaxed.

"Come," May offered, extending her hand. "I'll show you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a Jemma and Fitz fic, mainly Fitz-centred but then May happened but I like it. I feel the protectiveness of May is never shown to Jemma that much. I hope they change that. And the chapters will probably be AOS based and then Jess Jones based. Thanks for reading and all the support.


	4. Stars and Science

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many apologises for the long break. Life has been crazy and I'm still behind on Jessica Jones, so again no spoilers. This is really going to be a Fitz, May and Jessica centric chapter so please enjoy and a massive thank you for all the support I have received.

Jemma was gone when he awoke, and that terrified him. She had been there the previous night and now she wasn't. He instinctively reached over to check the bedside table. Some nights, when the nightmares got really bad, she left, sat in the bathroom, and phones Jessica. The only one who truly knew what she had been through. 

But there was no note.

And whenever that happened, she always left a note.

Leaving the bedroom, he threw on the first hoodie that he could find and started wandering the Bus, gently calling her name. He didn't know how many people were up at 10 am, and he didn't want to find out the hard way.

He decided that his first point of check should be the lounge, somewhere where there were blankets and pillows that would provide comfort.

But she wasn't there.

"Jemma?" he called again, fear laced fully through his voice.

Still no answer. 

Exiting the lounge, he passed through the kitchen and found her, sitting at the breakfast bar, reading a trashy gossip magazine and drinking a milkshake.

But that wasn't what made his heart plummet.

It was the white bandages that was wrapped around her hand.

"Jems," he whispered and she looked up at him, smiling.

"Morning."

"Are you okay," he asked, wrapping his arms around her, and placing a kiss on her forehead.

She shrugged. She was okay now, but she hadn't been last night.

But she didn't want to tell Fitz that. That would make him worry, upset and she was determined to show him that she was getting over this, that she was getting better.

"Your hand? Jemma, what happened?"

Before Jemma could reply, Fitz felt a hand on his shoulder. May.

She motioned for him to follow and he did. She, hopefully knew something about Jemma, who was now reading her magazine again.

"What happened to her hand?" Fitz asked once Jemma was out of earshot.

May took a breath, and then spoke. "She smashed a set of test tubes in the lab last night."

That answer, however, didn't give him much. "Why was she there?"

"She couldn't sleep."

Fitz nodded, and his hand went to the back on his neck, and started rubbing it. A nervous habit that he had. "Is she okay now?"

May nodded. "She's better. I showed a way that I use to help me relax."

Fitz raised an eyebrow at this, wondering what May had that the scores of medical professionals didn't. 

"I let her in the cockpit. She liked the stars."

Fitz's eyes widened, and he nodded slowly. Of course, she loved the stars. He father had taught them to her when she was younger, and he used it all the time in those first few months.

"Thank you," Fitz said.

***

Jessica hadn't had a drink that day, too busy working on a case, and was just opening the fridge to get one when the phone rang. 

The caller ID read Fitz, someone who she cared deeply about but didn't see enough. "Fitz?" she asked when she picked up the phone. "Is everything okay?" she asked, and by everything, she meant Jemma.

"Yeah, yeah, no," Fitz began, and then "Was everything okay when she phoned you?"

Jessica felt the room temperature drop by a number of degrees. She knew she should tell Fitz, but Jemma had trusted her with that information. 

"She's upset she's inconveniencing you," Jessica finally said, hoping that Fitz already probably though this. "She's scared that she's not letting you do what you what, that she's not letting you live your life."

"Christ Jems," Fitz muttered down the phone. "She say anything about the lab?"

Jessica nodded, knowing that Fitz couldn't see it. "She hates that she can't go back in. She hates it so much. She says that I'm working but she's not and I think it makes her feel weak or something. I'm not sure. But what he did to her, what Killgrave did to her, he used science against her, but he used my powers against me."

Fitz went silent for a moment, and Jessica was scared she'd messed up. "So what you're saying," he began. "Is that she's scared of the lab because of what happened before, but it's an option for her."

"Yeah and I can work, because I'm doing something different from what I went through. I'm helping people. I'm using my powers less often, I didn't use them for months after. But the mindset that helped was not to let him take this away from us. We can't let him win."

"Thanks so much," Fitz said, before hanging up. 

Jessica threw her phone down, and reached for the first bottle of whiskey she could find.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for the wait and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for reading, Marvel owns all.


	5. Peanut Butter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Life has been crazy with holidays ect ect. Thanks for all the support for this fic, it's been truly amazing, Hope you enjoy this chapter. The plot really starts kicking in here, and the next chapter.

His breath was hot on her cheek, calling her name again and again and again. Saying that she would never escape. But she had to. Not just for her. But for Jemma also. She was supporting the younger woman, covered in blood and weak, knees about to give out any second, the darkness threating to swallow her. Jessica thought that maybe that wouldn't be so bad, the darkness swallowing them. It would take them away from this hell. There was a scream...

Jessica woke in her bed, sweat glistening on her forehead, and her breathing heavy and laboured. She collapsed back down on the bed, knowing that she wouldn't be getting any more sleep. She closed her eyes, rubbing them. Hoping to banish the nightmare. It was so real. Maybe because it had actually happened. Or had it? That day was still a blur to her. A blur she hoped never became clear.

Reaching over to her phone, she had a number of messages. One from Luke, saying that he had reached his aunt's ok, and that he would be home in a number of days, once he had helped he pack for moving.

One from Andrew, asking when she wanted her next appointment for.

And one from Fitz. She knew that she should read, to see if Jemma was ok, but she couldn't at that moment. She had to get out of this mood, before she could worry about anyone else.

A noise in the kitchen did nothing to calm her, instead only quickening her already uneasy breathing. Reaching down beside her bed, she found her jeans, sliding them on and making her way to her bed room door.

"Birch Street."

The bedroom door was opened.

"Higgins Drive."

She was making her way down the hall.

"Cobalt Lane."

She was in the kitchen. There was a figure behind the fridge door, rummaging for something.

"Malcolm?" she asked, once she realised who it was that was rummaging in her fridge. He looked up, a vacant expression in her eye. He was high. As usual. In his hand, he held a jar of her peanut butter, and was licking a butter knife. She shook her head, silently cursing him. "Out," she demanded, walking around to where he was and slamming the fridge door.

He could keep the peanut butter for all she cared. She just wanted him out. "Just leave," she said. She watched him stagger of back to his apartment before slamming the door behind her, and jumping when she heard the door fall of its hinges.

That was the last thing that she needed. Going back into her bedroom, she saw that her phone read 8:12am, and she cursed. It was really too early to drink, but after the night that she had had, whoever said that that time was too early to drink could personally go and fuck themselves.

Downing the whiskey in one, she looked through the file of the case that she was currently working on.

They were all the same now a days; she was either wanted because some poor wife believed her husband to be screwing her sister, or some, usually drunk, husband to be demanding proof that his wife was screwing the intern who was far too young for her.

And each case usually ended in confrontation. the one making the accusation unable to comprehend that their worst believes were true. And more times than not, it usually ended with her throwing them out of the door, sometimes the window.

Leaving her apartment, she didn't notice the brown envelope on her desk.

***

She found the envelope, however, when she got back home a number of hours later and it made her uneasy when she saw it out of the corner of her eye. Walking towards the desk, she opened it, and emptied the contents. What she saw made her feel heart stop, she stumbled backwards, feeling ill.

"No" she whispered. "No, no, no, no!"

She saw her own face looking back up at her. She had no knowledge of who took this, why and when, but she remembered being in the places which those pictures where taken.

Taking a tentative step forward, she reached for the picture and turned it over.

On the reverse, she saw handwriting she had never though that she would see again.

 _Hello Jessica x._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading again and I hope you enjoyed. Malcolm is adorable in the show and I love him so I had to include him in this. He's still on drugs here, so... anyway. The next update may be the end of January, I've a party to plan next week, then exams the week after. Many thanks again. Marvel owns all as usual.


	6. Coming Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many apologises for the wait, I've had weeks of exams and deadlines and live has been crazy. Today is one of the first days I've had to myself for while so here you go. In this chapter, the plot starts to come together.

There was something quite satisfying about hitting Malcolm's head of the wall, allowing the plaster to rain down upon him. He just started up at her, eyes not focused. Probably still high, she though, staring back down at him. She was so tempted to allow herself to injure him again but she restrained herself. This wasn't going to help her, wouldn't solve anything. Killgrave was back, and Malcolm was an point of contact with him, she could use that to her advantage.

But could she really? Could she use Malcolm? Could she really ruin his life more than the drugs already had?

His head made contact with the wall again, and his eyes closed, the darkness engulfing him.

***

When he awoke, he was handcuffed to the radiator in a bathroom that most definitely wasn't his.

And Jessica Jones was sitting opposite him, turning the syringe over in her hand. Once she saw that he was awake, she wasn't no time in starting what would best be described as an interrogation,

"Is this how he did it? Paid you?"

Malcolm had no answer to this, so he just remained silent, wondering what Jessica would do next.

"He ruined your live, just so he could ruin mine? Again."

"Who?" Malcolm managed to stutter. His mouth was dry and his tongue felt heavy. Coming down was always the worst, the world was too loud, too fast, too bright.

"Killgrave."

Malcolm had no answer. He had no idea who she was talking about. Whenever he got the drugs, he didn't question it. He just accepted them and then left, just craving his next fix so that the world didn't seem as it should.

"Who?" he asked again, watching as the bathroom became clear, more in focus with every blink of his eyes.

Jessica gave a groan of frustration. "British," she finally offered, and that one key word helped to clear the fog that clouded part of his mind. _Him,_ Malcolm though. The one who provided him with the drugs.

"Purple suit? Looks kind of like the guy from that British sci-fi show?"

Jessica nodded at this, setting the syringe down on the toilet seat in-between them, as well as a pack of that white powder every inch of him was screaming for. "What did he make you do?"

Malcolm let his eyes fall to the substances before raising them to meet her eyes, eyes that burning with such fury, and something else. Something he hadn't yet figured out. "Pictures."

A groan of frustration escaped the woman. She was clearly annoyed at him, and that she wanted more information.

"Of you," he offered, hoping that this was good enough for her,

She nodded, and stood to leave. 

Fear. That's what else was in her eyes. 

Fear,

Something about him scared her.

He didn't know what but something scared her.

"Where?" he asked as she opened the door.

"You have a choice," she replied, not really answering his question. "And you have 12 hours." She looked down to the syringe, and his eyes followed her. "I'll be back in twelve hours and if that's been used, you're staying here. What you're doing with Killgrave, it's dangerous. And I can't have another..." She sighed, her voice breaking ever so slightly. "I can't have another death on me."

"And if its still here?" he asked, realising that what he was involved in was much deeper, much darker, much more dangerous than he had originally thought.

"You can help me stop him and clean up this mess."

***

"There was something," Malcolm began, not sure what was the best way to put it. "Freeing. Like being on autopilot."

Jessica started at him, pouring herself another whiskey, downing it in one. "Freeing?"

"Not being in control of yourself, not having control over what you do, who you talk to. Who you hurt."

Jessica set the glass down, the sound reverberating around the room. She obviously didn't agree with him, the way that her breath hitched. She shook her head, and her eyes glazed over, as if she were revisiting something that she didn't want to. "12."

Malcolm said nothing about this number. He had no idea what this number meant, and he didn't want to push. What ever it was, it made her seem uncomfortable.

"That's how many he made me kill. 12."

Malcolm looked at her, wanting to say that it wasn't her fault, wanting to reassure her that it would be ok, but he didn't. He  _couldn't._ There was no way to reassure someone after Killgrave. It was too difficult. He used them, moulded them to his own desire, so that he could get what he wanted.

Suddenly, a phone rang, and Jessica seemed to snap back to reality. Malcolm reached into his pocket for his, the number blocked.

"Give me it," Jessica demanded, and Malcom complied, knowing that it would be the best.

Answering the phone, Jessica stood up, walking away from the table, and her breath caught in her throat once she heard who was on the other end, and the ground seemed to disappear from beneath her feet.  

"Jessica," the voice came from the other end, sickening her to her very core.

"Speak of the devil," she spat back.

"There's only one devil in Hell's Kitchen and we both know that it isn't me."

Jessica shook her head, repulsed that she was talking to him. Repulses that he was alive. She had killed him. She _though_ she had killed him. "What do you want?"

"Me?" Offense seemed to be present in his tone, mock offense. He was toying with her again. But she wouldn't let him. Not again. "I'm just waiting to board a plane back to New York. Sydney is nice and all but New York is home." A pause before, "Well, England is but New York is nicer."

"Don't," Jessica said and all that she got was a laugh from Killgrave.

"Don't? Are we forgetting here who has the power of mind control. Because it certainly isn't you."

Her breathing was now more panicked, and Malcolm kept shooting her glances, wondering if she were okay. She wasn't okay but she had to stay strong. She couldn't let him get the best of him again. "What do you want?" she asked again, trying to calm her breathing, repeating her mantra over and over in her mind.

"I'm here to propose an idea to you."

"What? You can make me do anything. You can do anything to me. You spent five years torturing me, and now you're back and you want to propose and idea to me!"

"Torture you? Me? Why would I do that?"

Jessica gave a wicked laugh but Killgrave continued. "I, I would never hurt you. I love you, Jessica. Why would I ever hurt you?"

Jessica almost dropped the phone at this, why would he say that?

"It's the truth," he continued. "I would never do anything to hurt you."

"What are you doing Killgrave?"

"I want you back in my life, I want you with me. And I want it to be of your choice."

A choice, he was letting her have a choice. Most people would enjoy having a choice, they would love it. But not with him, not with Killgrave. He was planning something.

"Why?"

"I'm being nice Jessica. Just because we've done bad things doesn't make us bad people. We all have the chance to be good."

But there was something in his tone, something even more sinister than usual. He was playing a long game, carefully planning every move before making his final play. She just had to figure out what it was.

"Listen," his voice broke her train of thought. "It's boarding in a moment. I have to go. I'll see you soon Jessica. I'm sure of it." He was about to hang up when he added, almost as an after through. "I'll tell Jemma that you say hi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and thanks for all the support. Without you guys I could never do this and as usual marvel owns all.


	7. Flying High

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long waits, I've a lot going on with school at the minute. With updates and school, I will have to stop posting after March but I will start again in June, I just need to focus on my exams but there are about six chapters left of this, so I aim to get most of this finished before then. Please enjoy this next chapter and thanks for all of your continued support it means the world to me.  
> And just a quick disclaimed, with more and more of Killgrave appearing in this, I find it harder to right due to his mind-set and treatment of people. It is very difficult to write that, and I just want to say that although I am writing this ** I in no way approve of his actions, beliefs and what he does and they are not values that I myself hold ** . I am simply writing them for the sake of this fic. Thank you for understanding.

The mission was one that was supposed to be simple; take the flight from Australia back to New York, while remaining undercover and trying to find information on whoever was selling government secrets. Skye had gone with May and Coulson, a family returning home from their vacation in Australia, Ward a returning business man, and finally FitzSimmons, the two students on an exchange programme.

Settling into her seat, Jemma laid her head upon Fitz’s shoulder. There was something that she liked about flying. Something peaceful about being disconnected from the rest of the world. This was one thing that Killgrave had not taken from her.

“Excuse me miss,” a voice rang out, removing her from her daydream. An air hostess was standing in the aisle, a smile plastered across her face. “You have to keep the arm rest down and your seat straight until we are in the air.”

Jemma nodded, apologising for any inconvenience caused, and the woman continued on her way, walking back down the aisle, checking that everyone else was adhering to standard air travel safety.

Once Ward was sure that she was out of earshot, and that no one was looking towards them, he leant over to the two scientists and whispered, his voice almost a hiss, “You two don’t know me, so don’t rely on me for this mission, okay?”

They both gave a brief nod and Ward turned away again, pleased with their response. Working with a team was not something that he was fond of, he preferred working alone, it got the job done more efficiently he thought but over the past few days he had grown to like this team.

He let his head fall back against the headrest as the engines of the plane began to roar to life. It was going to be a long mission and he wanted to try and get some sleep. Coulson, May and Skye were on duty for the first half, situated further down the plane.

***

_The black dress was short, fitting, showed of her figure. She twisted her body, observing herself from as many angles as she could in the mirror, wanting to see what she looked like. There was knock on the door and there he was, standing there, a smile having pride of place._

_“Are you ready?” he asked her, and she nodded._

_“Good,” he said, raising his hand and holding it out to her, beckoning her to come closer. She did, accepting the hand that was held to her, allowing herself to be led out of the door._

_The image changed, and there was pain. There was so much pain. And screaming. She didn’t know whose voice it was, whether it her voice or not. She felt arms around her, a reassuring voice in her ear and softness beneath her. But not enough to block out the pain. Spots of black flashed across her vision, and there were two faces and as hard as she tried, she couldn’t make them out._

“Jemma!” There was another voice shouting her name, but it sounded distant, as though it were underwater. “Jems!” the voice called again, and she tried to focus on that. The voice was trying to beckon her to the surface. All she had to do swim towards it.

“Jems,” the voice said when she finally broke the surface, escaping from the nightmare and found herself safely flying, her head resting upon Fitz’s shoulder, her legs curled up underneath her.

“Sorry,” she said, closing her eyes, trying to settle her breath.

He shook his head, placing a kiss on her forehead and allowing his fingers to dance in her curls. “You have nothing to apologise for.”

She nodded briefly, her mind wondering. But there was something that she had to apologise for, something that not even Fitz knew.

“How long?” she asked, not sure what time it was, how long it was until they had to start their section of the watch.

“Eleven more hours until we land,” Fitz replied. “You were able to sleep fully.” He smiled at her, and she returned it. There was something refreshing about being able to have a decent amount of sleep and she enjoyed the feeling whenever she experience it.

She nodded at him, and noticed that Ward was gone. She was about to comment on it, ask where he had went but then she remembered that they weren’t supposed to know each other.

“I’ll be back,” she said, uncurling herself and standing, stretching.

Fitz raised an eyebrow, mirroring something that Jemma did so often.

“Bathroom,” she explained, and Fitz nodded, smiling at Jemma, watching her walk down the aisle. There was still a sense of uncertainty about her but she was gaining confidence every day, and he would be by her side, no matter what it took, no matter what happened. For as long as she wanted.

He stood himself, and opened the overhead locker, reaching inside his hand luggage. It was still there. It was still there. It was always there, always close to him.

As he was shuffling awkwardly back into his seat, he didn’t notice the figure walking down the aisle, eyes focused on Jemma.

***

Staring in the mirror, she took a breath before leaning down and splashing her face when there was a knock on the door.

“Two minutes!” she called, looking up again at her face in the mirror. The knock came again and Jemma gave a sigh. “I’ll be out in a moment!”

“You’re going to open the door for me now, Jemma,” the voice called from the other side and she didn’t even register her blood turning to ice. She turned the handle, allowing the door to swing open and found herself face to face with Killgrave.

He gave a wicked smile, pushing his way into the small cubicle and Jemma backed into the corner allowing him in. “Long time, no see. It’s been three years now hasn’t it?”

She nodded. “I thought you dead. Jess killed you.”

Her voice was barely more than a whisper, but Killgrave dismissed her, a glint in his eyes. “She never,” was all that he replied.

“What do you want?” she asked. She faked confidence, trying to hide all traces of fear that might betray how she really felt. She couldn’t show weakness, not now. Not in front of him.

“Well, Jemma,” he began. “It’s not you. It’s Jess. You _are_ part of this. I don’t…” he paused closing his eyes, as if he were trying to find the words to best describe whatever it was that he was planning. “I want Jessica back in my life. I _need_ her back in my life. She doesn’t understand that we are meant for each other. I am the only one who can compete with her. I am the only one who can show her the love that she so deserves.”

Jemma shook her head, ill to her stomach. He was going to take Jessica again, torture her again. She had to stop his, he to stop him once before. “You’re sick,” she whispered, shaking her head again as she did so.

Killgrave responded to this with a slap to her, and she barely registered the pain. “You think you can stop me?” he asked her, his eyes dark and his voice laced with venom. “You know nothing.”

Jemma dropped the hand that she had used to rub at the red mark on her cheek. “We stopped you once,” she said, her voice quivering as she tried to mask her fear hidden under her faltering strength.

Killgrave laughed at this, grabbing her cheek, lifting her off the ground. “You didn’t last time. You may have stopped me, but you never killed me. Now stay here until we land. There’s a surprise waiting for you in New York.”

***

Fitz was wondering what was taking Jemma so long. Ten minutes had passed and he was about to go and find her when Skye appeared, fear etched onto all of her features. Ward shot her a glare, wondering what she was doing up here, about to blow their cover.

“It’s Jemma,” she breathed and Fitz stood up, his blood tuning to ice in his veins. “She’s in the cordoned off area with May. May found her in the bathroom. She was hysterical when May tried to help her leave. She was saying that she couldn’t leave. Not until we landed anyway.”

“How is she now?” Ward asked what Fitz was scared to find out.

“The sedatives May managed to get on,” Skye said, stepping out of the way as Fitz pushed past, Jemma the only thing on his mind at this moment.

“It’s him,” Skye shouted after Fitz, causing him to turn and face her. “He’s back. He wasn’t… He was never…” Skye couldn’t find the words, didn’t want to find the words. Passengers from all over the plane had started to turn their attention to what was happening, curiosity replacing all thoughts of respect.

Fitz took off running, praying that there wouldn’t be turbulence. Praying even harder that Jemma was ok.

***

She was still asleep when Fitz was finally able to see her. May was on the phone, and Fitz could see that she was trying hard to keep calm with whomever she was talking to. Upon seeing him, she said that she had to go, hanging up, and she fixed her steely gaze on him.

“We were set up,” was all that she said, and Fitz nodded, having now figured this out.

“And we’re trapped here with him.”

May nodded. “She said there was a surprise for her from him in New York. We can just hope that means he won’t hurt her for the rest of the flight.”

The nod that Fitz gave was uneasy but he knelt down and brushed a loose strand of hair from Jemma’s face. Her head was resting upon May’s lap, her breathing easy. “How are we going to stop him?”

May’s facial features changed, fear becoming evident in them. Fitz felt his stomach drop. If this scared May then it had to be bad.

“We have a team meeting us there, we have the advantage of time. Jessica is meeting us there.”

“But he has powers!” Fitz shouted back. The advantage of time meant nothing against someone who could make someone do whatever he wanted by simply speaking.

“We have to try!” May retaliated.

Fitz rubbed his face with his hand. They had to try. They had to stop him. They couldn’t let him hurt Jemma, Jessica, anyone ever again.

“What do you know?”

Fitz looked uneasily at Jemma, not wanting to betray what she had told him, but he also needed to say, to allow for Killgrave to be stopped. Would Jemma approve? Would Jemma be happy that they were trying to stop him?

Taking a breath, Fitz explained everything.

***

S.H.I.E.L.D. had really came through with the operation to help stop Killgrave. They had gotten everyone off safely once they had landed in New York, but one agent had reported that there was no sign of Killgrave anywhere.

Coulson gave a nod, casting a glance at Jemma who was now clinging on to Fitz, scared of what would happen in these next few vital moments. “We move out,” he said, the team having been briefed on what would happen. Skye and Fitzsimmons would be taken from the airport to the nearby safe house, and would remain there until it was declared safe, but upon walking into the airport lounge, their entire plan fell apart.

Killgrave was standing there, his face wicked. “You really thought you could trick me? Stop me?”

Fitz stepped in front of Jemma, protecting her from what may become of this situation. He looked around the room, all the agents that had been positioned there had now lowered their guns, were standing there like mannequins.

“See,” Killgrave continued. “I am playing a long game here, someone of you may have figured that out. There’s not much that I want in life that I can’t get, I can get almost anything I want. All I have to do is say so.” May caught his attention, and he rolled his eyes, obviously bored. “Melinda, just lower the weapon, it won’t do you any good. You can too Grant, Phil. Nothing can stop me.”

The uneasiness in Fitz just grew. They were now defenceless against Killgrave, and outnumbered. He could make them all turn on each other without a second thought.

“See,” Killgrave continued his monologue, enjoying all the power that he now possessed, that he had always possessed. “I am the only one who can give Jessica the love she deserves, oh by the way, she’s waiting in the car. For the fallout,” he added as an afterthought. “Now, she loves and cares deeply for Jemma, who in turn would do anything at all for Fitz here.”

Killgrave gestured dramatically at Fitz, and his mind had finally caught up with what Killgrave had planned, the pieces falling into place. “Now, I want to see just _how_ much she cares for him, a test of sorts. Jemma loves those don’t you?”

Jemma nodded, her heart constricting and she felt as though she couldn’t take a breath. He was going to take Fitz, to get to her, to get to Jemma. He was going to take Fitz away. _Her_ Fitz.

Killgrave jerked his head at her, he could tell that she had figured out what was happening by her face. “You’re going to stay aren’t you?” he asked, treating her like a child, a dog. Jemma nodded, slowly, wanting to move but every instinct telling her not to, telling her to obey him.

“Now Leopold.” His name was over-exaggerated. “Come,” he gestured and Jemma watched as Fitz followed Killgrave. She couldn’t move so she screamed at him, begged him not to move, and pleaded with him that he fight this. But he kept moving.

“Don’t look back,” Killgrave instructed and the cry that Jemma let out was one that send pain through the heart of May, a scream that May had never wanted to hear. Tears were now blocking their figures, moving further and further away.

Arms were wrapped around her, and she screamed at her team members, people she had started to consider friends over the past few days to go after them, to save him. To kill him. But they didn’t.

Skye’s voice broke through, saying that they would rescue him, that they would save him but they couldn’t now, not with the agents following Killgrave, not when they had their weapons on them.

Jemma felt her whole world collapse from beneath her feet as the darkness overcame her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So chapter 7? What do you think? Thank you so much for your continued support, it is the reason that I have continued to do this! Please feel free to comment what you think will happen, what you think Jessica and Jemma will do? (Brotp name J Squared???). All kudos and all make me smile and you guys are the best. Many thanks again for reading and I hope you enjoy. Many apologies about the updates again.


	8. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm not overly happy with this chapter. It's just meh I think but its sending up to the next chapter which will, unfortunately, be one of the last big chapters as this story is finally tying up ass truths are being discovered so I want to say thanks so much for your support, I hope hat you will enjoy this even if I didn't.

_There was a pair of hands wrapped around her waist, and soft whispered into her hair. She just rolled her eyes, laughing. She obviously wasn’t going to get her baking finished at this rate so she simply turned round to face him._

_“Fitz,” she whispered, flour dotting her face._

_He smiled at her, a smile that was the centre of her universe and would always be that. “You’ve flour on your nose,” he told her, attempting to wipe it away with his hands but all he succeeded in doing was smearing it across her face even more. She rolled her eyes again. “Oh Fitz,” she whispered as she leant in to kiss him._

_When they broke apart, flour was making its way down his face. “Not chocolate?” he asked, which resulted in her playfully hitting him with the back of her hand._

_“I was making you cake,” she replied “but someone interrupted me.”_

_He shrugged, a playful goofy smile on his face. “I don’t need anything sweet,” he began but Jemma knew what was coming next. The worst pickup line she had ever heard, but it still amused her every time. “You’re sweet enough.”_

_She rolled her eyes yet again at him. He really could be impossible at times… But his hands were once again around her waist, lifting her up onto the workbench (and completely disregarding the hygiene rules of the kitchen) when she felt herself plummet as he hadn’t set her down fully on the marble…_

Jemma woke with a start in her bed. It was that feeling of falling that always woke her. She rolled over, hoping that Fitz was there like he always was but then she remembered what had happened before the darkness had consumed her. Killgrave had him.

And she had to save him. No matter what the cost.

Getting out of bed, she rubbed her eyes, the cotton of her bandage slightly irritating her and made her ways to where their suitcases where. Coulson, or May, some senior agent must have got them for her. Looking down, she saw that she was still wearing he clothes she had been wearing during the mission. She chewed at her lip, trying to figure out her next move.

Getting changed. That would be a good place to start. And a shower. She nodded to herself. Before she rescued Fitz, and put an end to Killgrave once and for all. To the right of the suit cases was a door that was open, leading into the en-suite to her room. Where ever that was.

Feeling slightly refreshed after the shower, she wrapped the towel tighter around herself and sat down in front of the suitcases, unzipping Fitz’s first and pulling out one of his shirts and a cardigan before a pair of yoga pants from hers. Jemma had once prided herself on her above average sense of fashion, and she supposed, she still had it, but she just didn’t use it anymore. She chose comfort over style, and that was what was comforting to her at that moment in time. But as she was riffling through the hand luggage, hoping to find something to eat (Fitz had brought something, he always did), she found it. A box of red velvet. She looked at it, perplexed for a moment. Opening the box, she felt her world fall away. Inside it was a simple ring of diamonds. An engagement ring. She dropped the box, her gaze still focused upon the stones that were glistening in the low light.

She had to save him. She had too.

Standing up and exiting the room, she looked up and down the corridor, and that’s when she noticed the voices. Loud, angry. Some of which she recognised, and some of which she didn’t. Padding her way towards them, she found that the corridor opened into a briefing room. Inside she found her team, with Jessica and Luke. Hill was in the corner and there were three other agents. A tall blonde, an equally tall male with muscles that threatened to rival Luke’s and a third, who was looking at her with something that no one else was wearing upon their face. Understanding. Out of everyone in the room, he was the only one who had that look. Everyone else wore pity, even Jessica and Luke, and as much as it pained Jemma, she didn’t like it. She didn’t want it. For the past three years, everyone had felt sorry for her, making her live in that horror. All she really wanted to do was to move on, and for others to do the same.  

No one spoke as she made her way to the Holotable in the middle of the room, facing the screen where there was information all over it, _too_ much information for her to take in. All she saw was Fitz’s face. And his. “We have to stop him,” she said, her voice low. Not once while she said this did she take her eyes of the screen.

“We’re trying Jemma.” It was Skye. Her voice sounded uneasy. Jessica had probably told them what had happened in those years spent together. She felt betrayed at this, and immediately hated herself for this. Jessica had helped her, she had saved her life and these thoughts were how she repaid her?

“You have to save him.”

“We will.” This time it was one of the unknown voices. It was British and it made her feel both uneasy and at home at the same time. She turned to face him. She raised her eyebrow, trying to figure him out and who he was. “Lance Hunter.”

He didn’t raise his hand to her, for which she was thankful. All she wanted was to save Fitz. And tell him just how much she loved him. She hadn’t said it as much as she should have in the past three years, after all that he had done for her. It was in those past two years that their relationship had changed. In the two years they had been together before, since they were 18, their relationship had been one that was intimate with stolen kisses and wandering fingers while now that had gone. Kisses were far too infrequent for Jemma’s liking. Fitz had been scared to over step the mark but he was still there for her and now she was going to do the same for him.

“Jemma,” this time it was Coulson’s voice, snapping her out of her thoughts. “We know where he is.”

“Where?” she asked. They could save him. They were going to save him.

Coulson shook his head. “I can’t tell you.”

Her face contorted with confusion. “Why?”

“It’s too risky.”

“You don’t want me going.” They didn’t need to say it. They never needed to say it. Deep down, she knew that they were never going to let her go with them. They'd say she was a liability.

“Jemma,” Jessica’s voice cut through. “I swear I will kill him this time. That I will end him and you will never have to worry about him again.”

“You’re going?” Her voice was small, soft. “You’re going after him?”

Jessica nodded. “Me, Luke, Grant, Hunter and Bobbi are going with May.”

“Why not me?” Jemma asked, her voice now anger. She had every right to be on this mission. She knew Killgrave better than anyone here besides Jessica. “I know Killgrave. I can help. You _need_ me on this mission.”

“It’s too risky” said the blonde, who Jemma presumed was Bobbi.

“You think I’m a liability?”

“No!” Skye cried out, turning to face her friend. “Never. They just don’t want you to get hurt. Mack’s not even going. Me and him are going to be running comms, I’ll let you know everything I can.”

“But I want to go,” she said. “I need to go. I need to save him.”

But Colson shook his head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you go.”

“You think I’m weaker than you? You think I can’t cope with this? You think I can’t cope with anything?”

“That’s not true,” Jessica said. “You’re recovering.”

“So are you,” Jemma snapped before thinking and once both woman understood what had been said, Jemma felt sick at the look that flashed across her face. “I’m so so sorry…” Jemma began to apologise but Jessica shook her head, cutting her of. Her face was impossible to read.

“Do you know how I’m coping?” Jessica’s voice came out strained. Jemma said nothing and the rest of the room seemed to fade until it was just the two of them. “Drink! I spend every day drunk just to get his whispers out of my head! He ruined my life! I have so much blood on my hands because of him!”

Jemma felt herself shrink into herself, and Jessica must have noticed as she broke eye contact. Everyone had their eyes on her and she felt an invisible spotlight on her. “You have no training,” Coulson offered as way of an explanation.

“You think I’m untrained. Just because I failed my field assessment? Do you want to know why I failed it? Why I didn’t get any marks in marksmanship? I failed for a reason!” She grabbed the bottom of her shirt, pulling up the cotton to reveal her stomach. “This, this is the reason.” Her stomach was a mess of scars, with only Jessica and Fitz knowing the reason behind them. “He did this. He wanted me to make a biological weapon to hurt those he wanted. That’s why he took me! He wanted my brains more than anything else. And I couldn’t get it to work. I don’t know why. But I couldn’t get it to work at all. Not fatally like he wanted anyway, so he used it against me. I should have died but there was a third and she saved me. As punishment he made me shot her. She had a family, people to get back to and I ruined that! I ruined everything!” Her breathing was heavy. She had to get out of there. And so she did.

***

An hour later, there was a knock on her door, and a voice calling out could they come in. Hunter. She said that she supposed so and he opened and closed the door gently before coming to sit down on the bed. The sudden depression caused her to also sit, looking him in the eyes. And then to what he was holding. A uniform.

“I have the location if you want to get changed,” he said as she took the suit, eyes wide and nodding. She was going to save Fitz.

“Give me two minutes” she asked, rushing to the bathroom.

When she reappeared, Skye was standing there, shaking her head. “You’re crazy.”

Hunter gave her a look. “We need a comms woman,” he offered and Skye nodded. She didn’t want them to be injured, manipulated or worse, so she was going to go with them.

***

Once they were in the SUV, Jemma curled up and slept, wanting to be refreshed for what she had hoped was her final meeting with him.

Skye looked over the back seat to her. “She looks…” she didn’t know how to finish and Hunter nodded, keeping his eyes on the road. “You’re really helping her, you know that. I think, besides Fitz and all, that you’re the only one who has helped her.”

“She needs it, and I’ve been in a similar position to her, and getting closure is important.”

“I hope she gets it,” Skye said, looking out to the side now, sighing. She really hoped that this all went well. Losing someone else in her life was not something that she had wanted.

***

They spent the next number of hours in silence, it only being broken occasionally by Jemma’s muttering as she slept. She woke up as Hunter softly called her voice, telling her that they were there. She blinked a number of times before nodding and opening the door. “That one?” she asked, looking up at the warehouse. Hunter nodded. “You know where we’ll be, love, won’t you?”

Jemma nodded at him this time. “I do.”

“Are you sure about going in unarmed?” Skye asked, suddenly feeling uneasy at this.

Jemma nodded. She wasn’t going to use a weapon. Not again. Taking a deep breath, she made her way into the warehouse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So J-Sqaured aren't on good terms, more has been discovered about the past, and Hunter has basically kidnapped the Skye and Jemma. And Jemma has gone, unarmed, against Killgrave... My main fear was that I wrote everyone OOC here, so many apologises. I really hope that you enjoyed this and thanks for the support. It really keeps me going. Feel free to comment any ideas you may have, I love hearing all your theories!!


	9. And Your Voice Is A Weapon (This Is Vocal Confession)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is one of the final chapter (2/3 left and that feels weird, I've been working on this for so long now and I'm finally getting there, thanks to your support!), and its a big one, so I hope that you enjoy it, and I want to say many thanks again for all of your continued support, it means the world to me.   
> **Disclaimer: as previously stated, I do not approve at all of any of Killgrave's actins, they have been written solely for the purpose of the fic.** Thank you for understanding.

“Jemma’s gone,” Jessica’s voice came during breakfast the next morning. “Skye and Hunter have gone.”

“When?” Bobbi asked, looking up from the file that she was reading.

“Late last night. Someone must have blocked the cameras. There’s no cars gone.”

“Do you think they went after him?” Bobbi asked.

Jessica nodded. “They must have but the warehouse was hours away.”

“There was a report of a stolen SUV, came in about ten minutes ago,” Mack’s voice came, breaking the conversation between the two woman. He spun the tablet in his hand before sliding it across the table. Jessica caught it before it fell of the edge, zooming in on the pic that Mack had left open. It was definitely the three of them. Hunter was picking the lock to some SUV, with Skye covering him. Jemma stood some distant away, looking nervously over her shoulder.

“Shit,” Jessica whispered. Judging from the time they had left, and how far away that the warehouse was, they would have been there an hour at least. “We need to go.”

“It’s risky, we have no plan, nothing,” Coulson said, saying the words that Jessica did not want to hear. “We can’t do it. Not yet.”

Jessica gave a harsh laugh, shaking her head. “Why? Why should we have a plan for this? He can break that apart with nothing but words! He has _your_ agents. They are at risk! So we go in, we save them and we kill the bastard!”

Coulson fixed his gaze upon her. Having two agents with him, two agents who were unprepared to deal with Killgrave had put him in a position. He knew that it would be best to give Jessica his mission, but she would do anything to protect the young biochemist. But it was risky, this thing could end in disaster, and that was something that Coulson was not prepared to face. “What do you propose?” he asked, finally decided that it was best that Jessica took charge, her having the most experience with him.

“How fast can we leave here? And how quick can we get there?”

The corner of May’s mouth twitched slightly.

***

They arrived at the warehouse, just over an hour later, and if Jessica had did her calculations correctly, then the three of them would have been trapped with Killgrave, Fitz and the other agents much longer than anyone should be with Killgrave.

Mack was running comms with Luke and Coulson in the Quinn Jet, some distance away. Luke had offered to come to the warehouse with her, but she had begged him not to. She didn’t want to risk him being injured, used like she was. He had agreed, only to please her.  

Outside the warehouse with her stood Ward, May and Bobbi, all armed, ready to take out Killgrave. Jessica took a breath. She had talked to Killgrave those two times over the phone; the first when he had announced his plan and the second when he told her to wait in the car, and not enter the airport.

This would be the first time she has seen him since _that_ night. And it would be the last time that she saw him.

“Ready?” May asked.

She nodded, ignoring the tightening knot in her stomach. This was the best chance she had, and she wasn’t going to waste it.

***

When the four of them entered, they found only Jemma, Fitz and Killgrave in the room. No sign of the other agents under his influence. No sign of Hunter and Skye.

“Where are they?” Jessica demanded upon entering the warehouse.

“No hello?” Killgrave asked, looking up from the magazine he was reading. He was obviously bored. And had arranged the warehouse into something that resembled a basic living room, with two sofas, an armchair and a coffee table.

Jessica clenched her fist, trying to remain calm. She had to remain calm. Not when there were so many lives at risk here. “Killgrave,” she spat through gritted teeth. “You have some of my friends.”

He now threw the magazine down. “Jessica,” he exhaled. “Jemma came her on her own free will, you know that.”

“But you took Fitz, _against_ his free will.”

Killgrave waved his hand, dismissing her. “That’s debatable.”

“Debatable?” Jessica shouted at him. “You took him from the airport! You took him from her!”

An evilness crossed Killgrave’s eyes, one that Jessica had seen too much, so she turned her attention to the young scientists. Jemma was curled upon the armchair, her bandaged hand resting in her lap, a disconnected look in her eyes. Fitz, meanwhile, was on the sofa that was opposite Killgrave, his back to Jessica. His body language showed he wanted to turn to Jemma, to offer her reassurance and be there for her but he wasn’t. He _couldn’t._

“You have me,” Jessica said, trying this. Because, this was what he had wanted after all. Her, back in his life. “Let them go.”

A wicked grin caused the edges of his mouth to flick up. And that’s when Jessica realised that they had been tricked. That Killgrave was playing even more of a game that they had originally thought.

“You see, I do want you back in my life. I need you. Jessica. But I also need Jemma. See, there are a number of people that I need taken care of, and she can provide me with the means to do so. But she has to leave him. Jemma is up for that, but Fitz isn’t. And if she doesn’t, she loses him. Forever.”

“But if she goes, she loses him?” Bobbi interrupted, trying to figure out what his next move. Though she didn’t know Killgrave as well as Jessica, she could piece together what he was doing.

“Yes, well,” Killgrave began, resting his legs on the coffee table and laying his hands along the back of the sofa, enjoying the fact that he had the entire room under his command without even needing to say a single command, without needing to twist someone to fit his own purpose. “He’ll still be alive if she comes.”

“You said you didn’t want me.” The voice was small, weak, as if they person in possession of it had been crying. Jemma focused her eyes on him. “You told me.”

Killgrave cocked his head, as if he were trying to remember this conversation. “Oh!” he said in a moment of realisation, clicking his fingers. “On the plane, yeah I lied. Well, not really, but I said that I didn’t _want_ you, but I need you.”

She shook her head, feeling sick at this. “What for? Why do you need me?”

He groaned, pushing himself up of the sofa. “I need people eliminated for me.”

Jemma laughed. “You think I’m going to do that again for you?”

Clicking his tongue at her, he walked to where Ward was standing. He was still standing some distance away with May, wanting for the moment. They had hoped that distancing themselves would make them less likely to be targets, but that hadn’t been the case. Killgrave held out his hand. “The pistol,” he said, and without thinking Ward handed it to him.

Killgrave turned back to the sofa. “You have five, no ten minutes.” Then he turned back to Jessica, standing face to face with her.

“I won’t go with you unless you promise Jemma’s safety.”

Killgrave sighed, clearly annoyed that nothing was going the way that he had planned. He was about to speak but Jessica continued. “You can make us do anything you want, you can make anyone do anything you want. So why don’t you just take us?”

Killgrave gave another sigh, “It gets boring. Getting anything you want. I just want… Jessica, you know I love you. I don’t want you doing anything that you don’t want to.”

Jessica fought back the urge to be sick, and stepped away. She couldn’t be near him. She _physically_ couldn’t be near him. “No. You don’t get to say that. You hurt me. You hurt us!” She shook her head, unable to comprehend that Killgrave was thinking this. He was more twisted than Jessica had first thought he was.

“But you didn’t say anything!” Killgrave protested.

“Because you never gave us the choice! We did everything you wanted. Everything.”

Jessica turned her attention to Fitzsimmons, unable to look at him any longer. They were now curled around each other, Fitz persuading Jemma not to go, that it wasn’t worth it but she was shaking her head, tears making their way down her face. If Jessica knew Jemma, she knew that she would leave Fitz, choosing to make her own life hell just to protect him. It made her heart ache at just how selfless that Jemma was.

“Jems,” he whispered, pulling her closer, and she buried her face in his shirt, her fingers twisting the fabric, her tether to the world. “I can’t lose you, not again.”

“But I don’t want you to…”

“Jems.” A kiss was placed to her forehead, soft and delicate. “You’ll be safer away. I can’t lose you.”

“But you’ll lose me either way. If I don’t go, I’ll be forced to go. This could be the last thing that I ever do on my own free will, so please.”

Reluctantly, Fitz nodded, knowing that there was no convincing Jemma otherwise. She would do anything to keep him safe, and likewise, he would do anything to keep her safe. “I was going to propose,” he whispered to her, gently pulling her away so that he could look at her, take in her features for what he hoped wouldn’t be the last time.

“I know,” she whispered back, smiling at him.

He raised his hand, allowing it to trace her face, committing it to memory. “How?” he asked, but he already knew the answer.

“The bag.” A pause. “I would have said yes, I would always have said yes.”

He closed his eyes briefly, imagining what a life with Jemma would have been like. Blissful, full of laughter. Late nights with films and pizza. Early mornings with freshly baked bread. Maybe a child, a family. He always thought that Jemma would have made a perfect mother.

“Perthshire,” she breathed. “When I was young, coming home from a family vacation, I saw a cottage, and for some reason I just found it so beautiful, then I met you. She closed her eyes, tipping her head forward, allowing it to meet his. “16, achingly shy, but so very very intelligent, handsome,” her thoughts where something of a mish-mash, she was trying to get everything of her chest before she lost him forever. “And all those weeks before we talked, you must have hated me, just following you endlessly…”

But with a finger to his lips, he shushed her, telling her that there was nothing to worry about, telling her that he never hated her. How could he hate? That the only reason he didn’t say anything until they were paired that day in Chem Lab was because he was scared that whatever he said wouldn’t be good enough for her, a fear that he held to this day still; that he would never be good enough for her.

This time Jemma shushed him, with a shake of her head, saying that he had been nothing less than extraordinary the whole time.

At this point, he leaned forwards, allowing their lips to meet, his dancing ever so gently, savouring the faint taste of strawberry lip balm that was still lingering there. She sighed as he nibbled on her lips, turning the kiss from something sweet and gentle to something fiery and full of passion. Her hands were buried in his curls now, not wanting to let go, but knowing that she would eventually had to. His hands were rubbing reassurances on her back, fingers gripping into her every so often, wanting to protect her from the horrors that would inevitably be coming.

Finally, reluctantly pulling away, they let their foreheads touch, warm breath mingling in the cold, damp air of the warehouse, he whispered three simple words, and she closed her eyes, allowing the tears to fall. Her hands dropped from his hair, one wrapped around his neck, and the other caressing his face. “Please,” she whispered so that only he could hear it. ”Stay safe.”

“I will,” he reassured her, but she knew that he would stop at nothing to save her, even if it meant tearing the Universe apart.

Killgrave was now leaning over the sofa, fake sorrow plastered over his face, pistol held out to Fitz. “You’re going to hold this to yourself until I can say you can drop it, until I can guarantee that Jemma is actually going to come with me, that you have nothing planned, got it?”

Fitz had no choice but to obey, the look that he gave Jemma was pitiful. “No,” she said, finding the last ounce of courage she didn’t know that she had. “No, I’m coming with you. You said that he would be safe if I came.”

Killgrave gave a laugh. “You think I don’t know you have a plan, why else would all these people be here?” he asked, dramatically gesturing around him.

Jemma shook her head. “I never knew they were going to come, I came here alone. For Fitz! For nothing else!”

“Jemma,” Jessica’s voice broke through. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry that I have failed you.” The next words go unsaid.

Jemma turned to her, tears streaming down her face. “No. It was me. I shouted at you earlier, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I wasn’t thinking.”

Jessica shook her head, slowly making her way to the young bio-chemist. “No, it wasn’t Jemma. It was never your fault.”

As Jemma silently protested, her eyes screaming that this was all her fault, Jessica pulled her into an embrace, whispering reassurances into her ear.

May, meanwhile, was pacing back and forth, agitated, like a wild animal that was caged. All she had wanted as to take Killgrave out, but now she couldn’t. Not with Fitz at risk. And now Jemma and Jessica were going to fall back into his clutches, all to protect them. They shouldn’t have to do that, shouldn’t have to risk that just for their team mates. They should never have been allowed to fall back in his to his clutches. They should have had a plan. They should have been taken care of.

She watched as the two woman pulled apart, and how Jessica offered a hand to Jessica. They gave each other a knowing look, one that May was unable to decipher, and that was something that May prided herself on; being able to read body language, it was vital when in the field. Maybe, she supposed, it was reassurance that no matter what horrors they would be suffering, they would have each other to fall on.

Jemma, as she was walking to meet her fate, one that she didn’t deserve, turned back to face the team she had known for so little a period of time, but one that she had come to know as friends.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered to them and Bobbi shook her head,

“No, it should be us who are sorry. We didn’t do enough to stop him, to save you.”

“You couldn’t do anything,” Jemma whispered, defeat evident in her voice. “You could never have saved us.”

“Oh,” Killgrave said, boredom lacing his voice. “If you’re coming, then come. If you’re staying, then stay.”

The two woman walked towards their fate, and May felt physically ill. She had promised Andrew that she would keep Jemma saved, and she had failed him, and her. She had let this man take her life again just when she had started to rebuild it.  Ward was stationary beside her, but May could sense the anger radiating of him. She could tell that he wanted to rip Killgrave limb from limb, to protect the two woman; one that he sort of knew, and the other that he barely knew. But he wanted to protect them, to do what he had joined S.H.I.E.L.D. for, and now he couldn’t.

Bobbi fell back, standing with them, Fitz sitting on the sofa, his hand shaking, the chance of death so very high now. And he was losing the woman he had strived so hard to protect safe. Killgrave, standing some distance away, had his arms opened, probably wanting to embrace the two of them. It was disgusting, sick, something that was lower than the lowest.

For Jemma, the silence filling the room was deafening. She heard nothing that was being said, all her attention focused on reaming strong, just for now, just to show Fitz, Bobbi, May, Ward. Though her strength was quickly fading, the only pillar now was the support that Jessica was providing by simply holding her hand.

Killgrave smiled, his lips moving silently.

A gunshot echoed throughout the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I am ending it there, but yes I do have a plan and I know what is going to happen. I am not saying anything for fear of giving it away. Thanks again for all of your continued support, it means the world to me. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The title comes from Weapon by Bastille and a tonne of other artists, and I have waiting to use it for a while now.


	10. The Climax

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had some time last night and decided to write this, and it is shorter than most of the other chapters in this fic, but isn't the final, despite the title. The next couple will tie everything up. Sorry for the delay, and thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy.

She couldn’t hear what he was saying, and she had removed her eyes from him. She wanted to find Fitz, to make sure that he was okay, to see if he were alive. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t see if he were alive. She couldn’t even see where he was. She was on the ground, screaming for him. 

“Jemma!” Jessica’s voice rang out. She was pinning the other woman to the floor, trying to protect her from doing anything stupid. Jemma tried to fight her way out of Jessica’s grasp but there was no use. Jessica’s strength was overpowering her. “He’s alive! He’s safe!”

There words seemed to cut through her cries, and stop her screaming and her squirming, the sound of glass no longer crunching underneath her. Jessica felt bad for doing what she had done: throwing the Brit to the ground and covering her. She would come away with some cuts from this, that was for sure, but it was much better than what would have happened to her had she not been protected.

Another gunshot went off, sailing through the remnants of the window beside them, and cutting through the air where they once stood. There was a thud, footsteps and Jessica looked over her shoulder, saw Bobbi standing there. She nodded once and Jessica stood up, allowing Jemma to sit up, her chest heaving and her shoulders shaking. Bobbi crouched down opposite her, taking her face gently in her hands so that her attention was directed to her, and to her only.

“Jemma,” Bobbi’s voice came. “It’s okay, he’s alive.”

She seemed to register the words, and allowed for them to enter her mind but she didn’t seem to be fully comprehending what was going on. The blonde looked over her shoulder, and saw that May was taking care of Fitz. He was shaking, and Bobbi wasn’t surprised. After all that had happened, she would be surprised if any of them came away from this unharmed. And that’s when she heard his voice, cutting through the chaos of the room. May was trying to keep him on the sofa, at a distance from Killgrave, but he wasn’t having it. He kept shouting that he needed to get to her, that he needed to ensure that he was safe.

Eventually, May relented, seeing that she would be going nowhere with trying to keep him away. He made his way over to her, now sitting against the wall, trying to settle her breathing, and enveloped her in an embrace, allowing her shaking form to be buried in him, shielding her from the world.

“Bobs!” an all too familiar voice called. She stood, spinning to find Hunter coming in the room, his face pale and weary, Skye trailing behind him.

“Killgrave…” Skye panted, clearly exhausted from wherever they had come running from. “Is he… Did he…”

Bobbi turned away from them, looking for the man himself. Bobbi hated to admit that with all the hustle and bustle that had happened with in the last number of minutes, from when the gunshot had rang out, she didn’t know where he was, what had happened to him in those moments of confusion that no one saw coming. She hadn’t even looked at Killgrave when that shot had rang out, her first thought had been Fitz, and that it was him that had been the one to be injured, or worse killed. Jemma’s screams had rang out at that point. She had looked up to find that Jemma was no longer standing, but was on the ground, and Jessica was with her. Her next thought had been to get to the young biochemist. No injuries were visible on her, ones that looked like a gunshot anyway, but there was glass on which she was lying. The glass from the window that was no shattered above them. Jessica must have sensed that something was going to happen, and threw her on the ground, to protect them, only to have the shards rain down on them.

The pieces were just forming in her mind. Hunter had shot Killgrave through the window. Hunter had shot, and possibly killed Killgrave. Looking over her shoulder, she saw now that Jessica was standing over him, Ward and May behind her, guns raised and pointed at Killgrave. He wasn’t moving, blood pouring from his throat. Jessica had her head tilted to one side, watching the red of his blood mix with the purple of his suit.

He was dead, Jessica thought, kicking at his feet. He definitely seemed dead. There was no movement, and the blood pooling from his throat seemed pretty hard to recover from to her. But last time she had thought him dead. She didn’t need to think about that. Hell, that was why they were in this situation in the first place.

“Is he dead?” Hunter asked, standing behind May, looking at what he had done. Jessica turned to face him, her face unreadable. He swallowed, something about Jessica made him feel uneasy but he couldn’t say what it was.

Jessica turned her attention away from him, and back to Killgrave, still unmoving, the blood no longer leaving his body. There had been two shots. One in the shoulder, the first shot that Hunter had taken, enough to cause enough of a distraction to protect them two, and the second through the throat. The kill shot. Still she did not speak, just held out her left hand. May stared at him for a brief second, and didn’t question what the gesture meant, just handed her the pistol that had once been in Fitz’s possession. Jessica pointed it, and fired the entire round into Killgrave’s chest, except the final. The final bullet instead went through his face.

She dropped it, turning away from the body, all adrenaline leaving her body. Her legs gave out from underneath her, and she met the floor, her whole body trembling. He was dead. He seemed to be dead anyway. No one could survive that amount of bullets and live.   

“Jessica?” a voice asked, full of concern, soft and terrified. Skye. Jessica looked up, all colour drained from her face. “It’s over. It’s finally over.” The way the young agent, no not even an agent yet. The way the young woman said it seemed to suggest that she herself couldn’t believe it was over.

Jessica stared unblinking at her, and allowed the realisation of what had happened to sweep over her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's gone! Everyone is still alive, not okay, but alive. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, sorry again for the delay. I just want to thank you all so much for all your support, I'd be unable to do it, it means so much to me and has given me so much confidence and all comments/kudos bring a massive smile to my face. Many thanks again for reading, and Marvel owns all. Title has inspiration taken from Isle of Flightless Birds by Twenty One Pilots


	11. Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, another chapter is up! Many apologies for the delay, and thanks for sticking with this! I hope that you enjoy this next chapter. 
> 
> As an additional warning, this chapter deals a lot with their mental health after Killgrave and has hospital mentions. I've tried to be as sensitive as possible but if anything is wrong please let me know, or feel free to PM me on fanfiction.net under the same name.

She looked so small in the hospital gown, drawn in on herself. Jessica shook her head, and sighed. They were back here, back in Brooklyn were it both began and ended for them.

“Here,” came a voice from behind her, making her tense. She turned, and saw that British guy, Hunter. She looked at him, wondering what he wanted (she was still torn over him, yes he had eliminated Killgrave for them, and for that Jessica was grateful, they would never have to deal with him again, but she had also been robbed off the chance to get revenge on the man who had stolen so much, and not just from her).

He was holding something. One of those tiny bottles of whiskey. He was giving it to her. She accepted it. And continued to stare at him before he began to explain his reasons for his act. “I know I haven’t been what you’ve been through, nowhere near what you’ve been through but I know the feeling you currently going through. How many hours has it been since your last drink?”

Jessica shrugged, wondering what he was rambling on about.

“Hours I’m guessing. But you need it more than I do. Take it.”

She frowned at him. Did Hunter just carry whiskey on him at all times? Was he just being nice to her? And what he said, that she needed it more than he did? Was there something that Hunter wasn’t telling her?

She turned her head back to the window momentarily, the nurse was still in there with Jemma but it didn’t look like she was going to speak. She wouldn’t speak for hours, if not days on end. When she looked back round, Hunter was gone, leaving her alone in the hall of the hospital. She was alone holding the bottle of whiskey.

It didn’t take her long to drink it.

***

Jessica made her way back to the lounge of the hospital. It was one of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s own, and everyone else was there. Except Fitz. He had finally been allowed in to see Jemma and had went as soon as he could. She had opted to stay here for a while whereas Jessica hadn’t. It hadn’t been effective last time, and she wasn’t going to waste any more time here now. She was leaving and going a way for a while. Luke had said that he would go with her and Jessica wasn’t yet sure of that. She was going to find the families of the twelve people that Killgrave had her murder, and all those that she had hurt. Garner had recommend it to her. Try and help her get some closure. She wasn’t sure if it would work, or if it would make everything worse. But with Killgrave dead and no chance of him hurting anyone again, she supposed she could try and find some closure, find some way to end this once and for all. She didn’t want, wasn’t going to let his hold on her last any longer. She was going to end everything. Once and for all, and she had decided that this would be the first steps.

Skye stood, for some unknown reason, a look on her face that Jessica couldn’t quite decipher. Jessica cocked her head when Skye finally spoke. “Luke says you’re leaving.”

Jessica nodded, once. “I need to get away.”

Skye nodded this time. She didn’t understand what Jessica had been through, she didn’t even think she had been through anything that was even remotely similar to what Jessica had been through. And she wasn’t going to belittle Jessica by saying that she understood what she was going through. But she did know what Jessica meant about needing to get away. Spending some time somewhere else.

Jessica continued to stare at her, no one saying anything, no one really knowing what to say.

***

Jemma sat in the bed, watching Fitz, who was in return, watching her.

She had the ring on her finger, and was spinning it around and around and around. She had said yes, she would have always have said yes. But it still didn’t help the guilt that was inside of her, gnawing at her insides, eating her from the outside in. When she suddenly slid it off, and reached out, handing it to him. He stared at it, not taking it back.

She shook her head, tears now glistening on her lashes. “Please,” she whispered to him, her voice broken, defeated. And it hurt him to hear her like this. He had known her Before and After Killgrave. And now, In-Between Killgrave. He had been warned the last time that he had been here that she might never fully recover from the trauma. He had also been told that she might recover from it but it would still be there, hiding at the edges, never fully leaving her, occasionally re-emerging. Fitz had accepted that, understanding that might have been the case. She had been gone two years, no-one knowing exactly what she had been through, keeping things secret from even him (things he was still learning, even today). But he didn’t care. He just wanted to be there for her, so she wasn’t alone in all of this. “I don’t deserve this.”

He shook his head, but she only scrunched up her face, tears now flowing down her face. “Please Fitz.” She held the ring out further. “I love you. I’m not saying I don’t. But I can’t be with you. I don’t deserve this. Any of this.”

“What happened?” he asked, knowing that something had prompted this, knowing that something had happened in the hours since they had arrived here.

She opened her eyes again, taking him in. She bit her lip, took a shuddering breath. She didn’t deserve him. He was perfect, and she was infecting him. Bringing him down. “I had a nightmare.”

He nodded, letting her speak.

“I had a nightmare when I was asleep, before you came in. She was in it.” Fitz knew who she was. It had only been recently that he had found out, but he knew who she was. “She was angry with me. She was shouting at me. Saying I don’t deserve it. She had a family Fitz. And I took that from her. I ruined everything for her, so why do I deserve this?”

He leaned closer to her, monitoring her body language so he knew when to back away if he over stepped the mark. “Jemma, what you did, it wasn’t your fault.”

She shook her head, refusing to believe him. She had been the one to pull the trigger not anyone else. “I pulled the trigger.”

He shook his head. “You didn’t kill her though. It was Killgrave. He was the one who killed her. It wasn’t you, it was never you.”

“Then what was I?” If she wasn’t a killer like Fitz claimed that she were, then what was she?

He closed his eyes, head bowed forward, trying to think of the best way that he could put this, without upsetting her, making matters were than they presently were.

“He used you Jemma. He used you. But that doesn’t make you evil, a killer. Never. And please, don’t you ever think you don’t deserve anything because of what has happened. That wasn’t you fault.”

He raised his head, meeting her eyes again. They were so full of sadness, she didn’t deserve any of this, any of the things that had happened to her. He wanted to take her pain away.

But he couldn’t. And he knew that he couldn’t. So he would be with her for whatever came next. “If you don’t want to marry me Jemma Simmons, that’s okay. I’m not going to force you to do anything that you uncomfortable with. If you want to wait, then I’ll wait for you. But if you think you’re dangerous, evil, a killer and that you don’t deserve me and that you don’t deserve my love… that’s not true Jems. I will _never_ hate you for anything he forced you to do. You’re still the woman that I fell in love with all those years ago, and still the woman who I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

She stared at the ring in her hand, the way the light glistened of it. She didn’t know what she had ever done to deserve him, what she had ever done that meant that she could find someone what she connected to, someone that she understood, someone that she loved.

She continued staring at the ring until Fitz took it off her, and set it back in the box that resided on her bedside table. She met his eyes, and the edges of her lips moved upwards, as though she were trying to smile. Trying to smile. He returned the gesture. They knew it would take a long time to get over it, but they had done it once before.

They could do it again.

Together.

***

Hunter caught Jessica as she was leaving. There was something in his stomach, an emotion he couldn’t quite place that had been lingering there ever since he had handed her the bottle of whiskey.

She must have sensed him coming, and spun to face him, arms crossed against her chest. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to.

“I want to apologise.”

“For what?”

“For earlier. I didn’t mean or belittle your experiences or anything. By saying what I said.” Hunter took a heavy sigh. “I know about alcohol. That’s what I was trying to say. I know the comfort it brings. How it can block out everything. And I know the feeling of needing some… I just thought you’d… that you were…”

But Jessica cut him off, shaking her head. “You were helping. There’s nothing wrong with that.” It was obvious that he had suffered something, something that had turned him to it. And it was also evident that he still relied on it.

Hunter nodded, relief now flowing through him. He had made the mistake once of comparing his traumas to that of someone else, someone who had been through much worse than him. It hadn’t ended well for him, and he had learnt from that. He nodded again. “So you’re leaving?”

“I have to. I need away from here. To start over. To make amends for all I’ve done. Being a PI won’t solve that.”

“And Jemma?”

“She has Fitz.”

“But she respects you, cares for you, she loves you even.”

He saw Jessica tense at the word, and wondered if _had_ gone too far this time. But she gave an uneasy smile. “She does. But she also deserves to recover, and here is the best place for her. She has always taken comfort in medicine, in science. Me, I took comfort in drink. Tell her… tell her I wish her all the best.”

And before Hunter could reply to that, she had her hood up and was walking away.

***

She was asleep, her chest gently rising and falling. Fitz watched it, his neck aching from his positon inn his chair. But she was alive. She was safe. And he was dead. Never to come back again.

And he would take the sore neck over the alternative any day.

He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there when he heard a knock on the door.

It opened, revealing Skye. She looked worse for wear, as if she hadn’t had any sleep in the hours they were here.

“Coulson wants you,” she said, and the way she said it suggested to him that it wasn’t good either.

“But…” he began, looking back at Jemma. “I need to be here when she wakes up.” He had to be. He had to be here when she awoke. He was one of the only ones who could calm her after a nightmare, and her waking up, in a strange environment, alone wasn’t how he wanted it to be.

Skye bit her lip. “He says it’s urgent. Won’t take long.”

Fitz groaned, and stood. He hoped that Jemma would be out for another while. Despite the horrors that plagued her, she needed sleep. It was horrible, needing something but not being able to get it. He followed Skye down the corridor, to an office. Upon entering it, he found an extremely grim Coulson inside.

“Sir,” he began, but Coulson waved him of. It was clear that this was no time for formalities.

“Hill contacted me. She took a team to the residence that Killgrave had been living in. She brought these files. They seem to be the reason that Killgrave wanted Jemma again.”

Fitz accepted them and skimmed through them. He didn’t really want to read them. Killgrave was gone out of their lives and he had no interest in knowing what hell he wanted to put Jemma through.

“It seems he wanted to increase his power, become more dangerous. Extend the radius of his powers and he thought that Jemma was the way of doing that.”

“That I was the way of doing what?” asked a voice from behind them.

Jemma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a nightmare to write, I had no idea where it was going, and I am not fully happy with it. I have the last six chapters planned out and they should all be done by the end of August, depending on how the next few weeks work out for me. There is still so much backstory that I have written that I will never be able to get into this fic so if anyone would be interested in reading prequels, please feel free to let me know. And I know Jemma did a complete U-Turn on everything that she said earlier, but the prospect of losing Fitz made her want to leave him good memories, and the nightmare terrified her. If that clears any confusion up... Many apologises again for the delay in this chapter, and thanks for taking the time to read. All your support is truly extraordinary!


	12. Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last few chapters have been an actual nightmare to write and there may be longer waits in-between them so I am sorry for that but I do want this done before the end of September as I am trying to tie up my longer fics. Hope you enjoy this chapter and thanks for staying.

“Jemma,” Fitz breathed, “Are you okay? Should you not be sleeping?”

She shook her head. “I had a… I couldn’t get back to sleep. You weren’t there when I woke up. I wanted to know where you were.”

He crossed the room in a few steps, and wrapped her in his arms. She seemed reluctant for a fraction of a second, as though she didn’t deserve his love, his kindness but before Coulson could fully understand it, her arms wrapping around him, clinging tight to the back of his shirt. As though she was relieved that he was there. And Coulson supposed, she probably was. After all that she had suffered. After all she had been through.

They stood like that for a moment, light sobs coming from Jemma and gentle reassurances came from him. “I’m here,” he murmured. “You’re okay, I’m okay. We’re gonna get through this, together, okay?”

He pulled away slightly, cupping his face in her hand so that she could look at him. “Okay?”

She nodded, her face slightly scrunched up, tears making tracks down them.

“Do you wanna go back to bed?”

She shook her head. She didn’t want to go back to bed, not after the nightmare that she had had, not after what had happened in it.

Fitz quickly threw an anxious glance towards Coulson and then back to Jemma. Judging from her reactions, and how she had been here, it was obvious that despite how much she needed it, sleep wasn’t going to be coming easy to her, nor was it something that she wanted to do. Something about going back to that room, going back to sleep terrified her.

“Jems,” he whispered, “You don’t have to go back to sleep. Just back to your room.”

She stared at him, her tears running down her face. Her eyes were wide with fear, looking him up and down. As if checking for something, as if examining him.

“Jems?” he asked, but she didn’t seem to be paying attention to what he was saying, just looking him up at down. “Jemma?” he asked but she didn’t respond this time. “Jemma?”

Still no reply from her. “Jemma, please,” Fitz pleaded, knowing that it was falling on deaf ears anyway. Knowing that it was useless at this point.

Coulson, meanwhile, had called a nurse, knowing what Jemma was going through, knowing just by her actions that she wouldn’t move. And it wasn’t long before that nurse appeared in the doorway.

“Agent Fitz,” she said, looking at the young engineer, asking for permission for what comes next. “We need to…”

Pain was painted across his face but he knew what he had to do, and he nodded slowly before Jemma collapsed in his arms, unconscious.

***

When she awoke, she found him sitting beside her bed, unlike earlier but like all the times that had come before.

“Jems,” he whispered. “Are you… is everything…” He didn’t know how to ask what he wanted to ask.

“Better,” she replied, sitting up, and reaching out for him.

He was confused at this. “Jemma?”

She smiled at him. “Fitz, you’re here aren’t you?”

He nodded.

“We can do this, can’t we?” There was some uncertainty in her voice, as if she was unsure of everything.

But there seemed to be a new strength to her, a new determination that she could do this, that she could fight this. And Fitz wasn’t going to object to this. He was going to help encourage it.

“Yeah,” he replied, bringing her hand up and kissing it. “Yeah, we can.”

***

The next number of days, Andrew came in to begin his sessions with Jemma (though Fitz stayed for all of them, like they did before), and compared to what she had been like the previous time, she was much more open, much more ready to easily discuss what she had been through.

Andrew pulled Fitz aside after one session, and brought this up to the young Scot that he had noticed over the past few sentences. About how Jemma was being more open, saying more about what she had been through, hoping for his opinion on the matter.

Fitz shook his head. “I don’t… I don’t know what’s brought this one. After… after we came here, she was… she was scared. Terrified. She didn’t…she broke of our engagement. She was… she felt she didn’t deserve this, any of this after what had happened to Claire.”

“The woman Killgrave had her kill?” A nod from Fitz and then Andrew continued. “She opened up about Claire after all these years, she’s finally opening up and that’s good Fitz. This is good. She’s admitting to what she’s been through, talking about it unlike before but you have to understand that maybe Jemma will change…”

“I know,” he cut in. “And I’m not angry. I never could be with her.”

“But you’re worried? Worried that this means something?”

Another nod from Fitz.

“Fitz, there will be hurdles, even though she’s currently opening up, but it’s a step forward in the right direction.”

And with that Andrew left, leaving Fitz alone in the corridor.

***

Over the next number of weeks, Jemma continue to open up more and more, and staff at the hospital were not only impressed by her rate of recovery, but were also speaking of discharging her early and allowing her to finish her recovery at home.

That being said, there were still drawbacks. She still had the nightmares, the burden of guilt still weighted heavily on her and she still had doubts about herself, still thought that he was alive, that he could come back.

But she was opening up about what had happened. Which everyone saw as the main, and most important, thing.

And she was starting to learn that it wasn’t her fault. Everything that had happened. Yes, that burden was still there, still weighing on her shoulders, but it was lessening, no longer being carried by her, and her alone.

It was one Friday evening when Fitz entered the room, and found Jemma sitting alone and reading something on a tablet. She smiled at him in greeting, setting the device down as he took the seat that he so often took in this room.

He returned the smile and then noticed something, glistening on her finger.

The ring.

The engagement ring.

“Jemma,” he began cautiously, not wanting to upset her. It had been nearly two months since she had broken it off, deciding that it wasn’t something that she had wanted and now she was wearing it again, “is everything okay?”

She nodded, holding her hand up to show him. “I’ve been having private sessions with Andrew, sessions without you.”

“Jems, you don’t have to do this for me. The engagement. You don’t have to do this, anything you don’t want to just because you think it’s what I want.”

“But Fitz, I do want this. I’ve always wanted this, but I was scared that I wasn’t… that I didn’t deserve it, not after all that had happened, all that I…” she trailed off, paused and thought for a moment. “After all that _he_ made me do.” She looked at him, as if looking for approval almost. “Andrew’s been helping me, to tell me that it… to show me it wasn’t my fault, to help me learn that things sometimes happen that aren’t your fault, and that you can get through them. To help me with my own recovery and to stop comparing myself to Jess. Did you know he thinks that’s what held me back before? The comparison. And he’s also been helping me to work out what I wanted, and it’s you. It’s always been you.”

He didn’t know that she had been having private sessions with Andrew, but he smiled at her nevertheless proud of her for what she had come through, proud of her for what she had accomplished. He had noticed her words, how she had changed them. From blaming herself, to blaming him. “Are you sure?” he asked, still scared that he was pushing her too far, still scared that she didn’t want this and that she was only doing it for him. Doing it because she wanted him to be happy.

“In all these years, you could have left, you could have walked away and decided that this was too much, that you didn’t want this in life, that you wanted to move on in your life but you never Fitz. You never once thought that I… you never once left me. You never once stopped looking for me. You did more than what you should have, you did more than what you were asked of, and for that, I can never be thankful enough.”

Fitz appreciated her words. “Jems, I would never leave you, you know that. All those years ago, before you disappeared, I was going to propose that night.”

“You were?” she asked, now finding this information out for the first time.

He nodded, reaching for her hand, taking it in his own, bringing it up to his lips and kissing it. “Jemma Simmons, you were the only one for me. My best friend and the woman that I loved. There’s no one I would rather spend my life with, so yes Jems, yes I will marry you.”

She beamed up at him. “Did we just get engaged?”

He nodded. “I think, I think so.”

Her smile grew wider, and she moved over in the bed, allowing him to come and join her. Once he was sitting beside her, she rested her head on his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her as if trying to pull her closer, as if trying to make them become one entity.

She reached for the tablet and unlocked it.

“I was torn,” she began, showing him what was on the screen. “Between these three dresses.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They getting their happy ending! Yay! I found it harder to write every aspect of Jemma's recovery so I went more along these lines and ended up with this, Jemma coming to terms with what has happened to her, learning just because she went through something awful and was forced to do these things doesn't mean that she's awful and doesn't deserve her happiness as well as learning that her and Jessica are different and both cope in different ways. Many thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> So what did you guys think? Did you enjoy this? Please feel free to comment or whatever. I hope you enjoyed, the title is from Friction by Imagine Dragons and Marvel owns all.


End file.
